Truisms for Puns
* I wondered why the baseball was getting
bigger. Then it hit me.
* Police were called to a daycare where
a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
* Did you hear about the
guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
* The
roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
*
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
* When fish are in schools
they sometimes take debate.
* The short fortune teller who escaped
from prison was a small medium at large.
* A thief who stole a calendar
got twelve months.
* A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.
* Thieves who steal corn from a garden
could be charged with stalking.
* We'll never run out of math teachers
because they always multiply.
* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles
, U C L A.
* The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.
* The professor discovered that her theory
of earthquakes was on shaky ground
* The dead batteries were given
out free of charge.
* If you take a laptop computer for a run you
could jog your memory.
* A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth
and nail.
* What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
* A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
*
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
* A backward
poet writes inverse.
* In a democracy it's your vote that counts;
in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
* A chicken crossing the
road: poultry in motion.
* If you don't pay your exorcist you can
get repossessed.
* With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
* Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A
-flat miner.
* When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
* The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
* A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum
Blownapart.
* You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
* He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
* A calendar's days are numbered.
*
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
* A boiled
egg is hard to beat.
* He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.
* A plateau is a high form of flattery.
* Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
* When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
*
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
*
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
* Santa's helpers
are subordinate clauses.
* Acupuncture: a jab well done.
